"Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan was well watered, like the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, ... Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom."Notice that Lot didn't live in Sodom, but lived near there, and then in chapter 19 he greets some visitors and has them stay with him in the city. As you read on you see that he's not as righteous as his name might suggest. I feel like I am similar to that, I pick a direction, move there and slowly, slowly move into Sodom. How the hell does that happen?!
There's the example of the frog in the pot, chilling in the pot's water, and then someone turns the burner on and the frog doesn't know what's going on, boils and dies. Compare this to the frog that's dropped in the boiling water - whoa, it's hot he says and jumps out.
Where have I gone wrong, and I know I have and I feel the effect of the sin; where have we/you gone wrong?
I still have nightmares and flashes of the things I have done, but I believe that God is good, I am not. I am similar to Lot and had to be dragged out of Sodom to be saved. Man... healing is hard, and most the time I don't forgive myself, even now. But I know that God really is better than my best thoughts of Him, and He has forgiven me.
Please pray for me, and pray for my past. I pray that those I hurt may heal, and I pray that I can heal. And all of us can live in wholeness in Christ.