Sunday, June 8, 2008

This makes me laugh so hard !

The Gathering is coming soon and sadly I am not able to make it, but tonight I was fortunate to sit and hear some of the amazing facts of the worlds greatest human, Chuck Norris. Thank you Lorraine.

When Chuck Norris bleeds, oaks trees sprout up from where the blood fell.

The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris's pectoral muscles, this explains the large number of dead Asians buried within the wall.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, too bad he's never cried.

Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone just by rubbing it against his beard.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris's home is a total gym.

Rainbow's are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.

Chuck Norris was one of the original members of the Wu Tang Clan but quit because they weren't street enough.

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with: It's not me, it's you.

Chuck Norris's gene's aren't a double helix, they're barbed wire.

If Chuck Norris looks at you and even thinks about Jesus, you're immediately converted to Christianity.

Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper.

There's no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, there's only another fist.

When ever Chuck Norris's wife asks him to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris drives optimus prime to work.

When Chuck Norris breaks wind, it stays broken.

Chuck Norris beat IBM's Deep Blue computer at Chess in three moves, he only had a pawn, a thimble and a checker.

Chuck Norris was baptised with napalm.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris cleans the wax out of his ears with a shotgun.

Mr. T once beat Chuck Norris in a game of tic tac toe, in retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

When Superman squeezes a lump of coal he makes a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal he makes an African child to work in his diamond mines.

Chuck Norris is the only one who can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris's heart beats once every week.

Chuck Norris just pissed your pants.

Chuck Norris is not a man, he's the culmination of hundreds of years of black oppression.

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